You Gave Everything. And You Still Got Left. This One's For You.

If you've ever given your whole heart and still ended up alone, pull up a chair. You need to hear this.

I can see that you’re hurting. And I want you to know that you’re not alone in your pain.

You give everything you have to the people that you care about. You love deeply and passionately and wildly. 

I want you to cherish that. Savor it. 

Don’t ever change that part of you. It’s far rarer and more valuable than you realize. Don’t commoditize or water down that quality. Don’t allow anyone else’s behavior to dictate your character. 

Own the love you gave. Be proud of your capacity to give, even when it’s hard or scary.

Just remember to leave some of that love for you, too. Not as leftovers. Not as the last person to receive the benefits of your own gifts. Firstly. Primarily.

Changing yourself in the wake of a breakup is just another expression of abandoning yourself. It’s easy to do because it gives you a sense of control when everything feels uncontrollable. But it’s also what keeps you tethered to the other person. 

Refusing to abandon yourself this time means making the tough choice to sit with your pain—to not run away from it by living in your head. To not give away your power by making this about someone else. It's not about the fact that they discarded you. It's about wanting to feel appreciated, valued, and chosen. And the first person who needs to do those things for you is you.

Many people today think it’s noble to love unconditionally. I don’t agree. For those of us who are givers, it becomes a pathway to pairing up with only those who take. Because someone who takes without limit will always feel like home to someone who gives without limit. We even call it love. But it's really just two wounds that fit together.

Let your love be conditional. Let it be boundaried. Not out of self-protection, but out of self-respect. Not out of being difficult, but out of being dignified.

But you already know this. Some part of you has always known.

There is someone out there who will not just tolerate your love but rise to meet it. Who will make you feel what you've spent so long making others feel: Chosen. Seen. Worth staying for.

That person is you.

As you pick up the pieces and rebuild, I want you to make a commitment to yourself. Look in the mirror and repeat the following: My relationship with others cannot exceed the relationship I have with myself. I will give myself the love I so freely give to others. First.

Watch how that changes everything.

Lots of love,

Chris