I couldn’t even bring myself to break the news.
I was heartbroken for the second time in just a few months—and deeply humiliated. “Can you please text them for me? I don’t want to talk about it, but I want them to know the latest.” I enlisted the assistance of my cousin Haley to inform some of my best friends of the breakup. “Of course, I’ll let them know,” she replied. “Don’t be embarrassed, babe. You’ll find someone new in no time! And they’ll be a better fit for you.”
But her kindness couldn’t break through the cloud of shame that surrounded me. “I don’t know. I guess so. Love you.” I responded.
Truth is, I wasn’t done beating myself up. I wasn’t done telling myself that I wasn’t good enough—that I would never find someone better. I wasn’t done lying to myself.
I had allowed my doubts and negative thoughts to be in the driver’s seat of my life. But it was time to take back the steering wheel. It was time to reaffirm myself and put myself first. It was time to stop believing the lies.
And you need to do the same.
You lie to yourself constantly and you probably never even notice it. It creeps in when you criticize your own character, your own abilities and your own surroundings. It creeps in anytime, anywhere and with anyone—even when you’re all by yourself. It creeps into your relationship, your friendships and your job.
But our lies are no match for the light of the truth.
Below, I detail the three biggest lies ever told—and the corresponding truths that drive out the darkness. Because you are enough, you are able and you are accountable.
And you always were.
Lie #1: “I’m not worthy.”
The most fundamental lie that you tell yourself is that you just aren’t good enough. You’re too emotional. You’re too logical. Your personality is too intense. You’re too shy. You’re too fat. You’re too skinny. You’re not smart enough. You’re too smart for your own good. You’re not feminine enough. You’re not masculine enough. You’re too short. You’re too tall. You aren’t cool enough.
You get the point.
Of the three fundamental lies you tell yourself, these are the most damaging ones because they’re aimed at your character—at your very core self and innermost essence.
These lies tell you that you don’t belong. They tell you that you don’t deserve better. They tell you that you’re not lovable.
But that’s just your shame talking.
Here’s the truth: You are literally made from the remnants of stars. And, just like no two stars are quite alike, no two humans are exactly the same. You are a physical manifestation of the larger consciousness of the Universe, but you are a unique expression of that consciousness. A star is never too big or too bright, too small or too dim. It shines regardless. Its existence creates gravity and moves planets. It gives birth to life with its rays.
The atoms that comprise the cells in your body are made from recycled stardust. So, stop diminishing your glow. Stop trapping your power within you by limiting yourself with lies that you aren’t worthy of the same love that every human deserves. Your very being is an expression of love. You are a part of the miracle of consciousness, after all. You were meant to shine.
Repeat after me:
I am enough just as I am.
I was put here for a reason.
My very existence has purpose.
My body is teeming with the same love that binds the heavens together.
And that can never be taken from me.
Lie #2: “I’m not capable.”
The second biggest lie you tell yourself is that you are not able. You can’t ski. You can’t play football. You don’t dance. You don’t do PDA. You don’t have what you need to forge forward. You can’t change careers. You couldn’t possibly go back to school.
These lies tell you that you’re not ready. These lies tell you that you need more time. These lies tell you that you’ll only be happy when you have X, Y, Z. These lies tell you that you can’t possibly change.
While this is a slightly different set of limiting beliefs that’s focused on what you can or can’t do as opposed to what you’re worth, these are also driven by shame. The reality is that you are capable of whatever you think you are—or aren’t.
All you need is the willingness to seize your own power. And to call it forth regularly.
Yet again, nature is an important reminder of this cyclical nature of all things. Fall reminds us that all life comes to an end. And spring reminds us that, in time, all things are reborn—a new expression of the same old truth that all things must change.
You are no different. You were meant to evolve, which means you are inherently capable of that evolution. Simply believe you can and you will transcend the cage in which you’ve trapped yourself. You will have set yourself free. You will be reborn.
Repeat after me:
I am capable.
I am evolving.
I open myself up to the power of possibility.
What I believe, I can achieve.
Lie #3: “I’m not responsible.”
The final fundamental lie you tell yourself is all about accountability. You aren’t responsible. You don’t care. It’s their fault. You don’t have any feelings about it. You played no part in it. You couldn’t have been to blame. You had nothing to do with it.
These lies tell you that you don’t make mistakes. These lies tell you that you don’t have anything to learn from what you’ve been through. These lies deny your role in the situation and its corresponding outcome.
But that’s just misplaced guilt.
The truth is that everything you’ve ever endured was meant to teach you something about yourself. You are a flawed human being just like everyone else. You will make mistakes. And even when you weren’t technically at fault or to blame, you still stand to learn from how others may falter or stray from the path of the highest possible good.
You are a seed. And the lessons you learn are the fertilizer of your future. Plant yourself, weather the storms and you’ll grow in no time.
You’re the common thread in your life. So, take responsibility for your tapestry. And learn from the patterns of your past.
Your future depends on it.
Repeat after me:
I am responsible for my own energy and happiness.
I view everything as a learning opportunity.
Everything I’ve ever been through has molded me into who I am today.
I’ve weathered many storms only to realize that I was blooming all along.
How have you lied to yourself in the past? How have your thoughts limited you? Tell me in the comments below—or Tweet me at @crackliffe.